On the Eve of the 19-20 School Year, Self-Care is More Important Than Ever

This post is for the teachers, but not just for them. You know the feeling, one so prevalent that we have a term for it: the "Sunday scaries,"or that dread in the pit of your stomach when you think about going back to work in the morning. And for most of us, this is unavoidable; you can't just quit your job and live off oranges like some modern-day Jim Morrison. Even when you have a job you love (me!), it can still tax you to the point of complete and utter exhaustion (oh, me again). So listen up teachers! I have by no means perfected the cure to the Sunday scaries or the School Year Eve blues, but I think I have a plan to get through this.

Self Care.

And no, I'm not talking about pedicures and drinking whole bottles of wine on Tuesday nights, though these things are still valid options for the hard days. I'm talking about real self-care, the self-care that's hard. The self-care that you don't want to do when you've been on your feet all day caring for 150 little demons or angels, depending on the day or -- let's be real -- the hour.

I'm talking about making your bed every morning so your bedroom looks inviting instead of chaotic. I'm talking about not letting dishes pile up in the sink so that future you gets to come home and look at your space lovingly and with pride instead of heaviness in your chests when you consider all the work you have to do. I'm talking about washing your face twice a day, even when you don't want to. And moisturize, folks! It's five minutes in the morning and night during which you can literally shower yourself with love for a job well done. You deserve to feel peace at least that often.

If you're rolling your eyes or scoffing at how impossible it is, trust me, I get it. Do I have a plan for the school year? Yes. Will I fall off the wagon? Also yes. Will I get back on because the journey to peace and self-love is nonlinear and I freaking deserve happiness? Also also yes! So what my ADHD brain is trying to say here is... you deserve to live a life of joy, even and especially in your most stressed state. And while you also deserve bubble baths and facials and naps, just take note that you're not using these passive activities as avoidance tactics instead of real self-care. (Full disclosure, that little tidbit came from my therapist, Deb. She's a gem).

So because I love lists, I've made you one below of some of the things you can do to take care of yourself this school year, or -- for non-teachers -- your immediate future. A note: self-care is, unfortunately, an act which is much easier with some privilege, but I'm going to try and include activities that absolutely anyone can try along with some for more privileged folks.


1. Go to Therapy.
At this point, I'm fairly certain that everyone who knows me even slightly knows I see a therapist regularly, and while they probably roll their eyes at my very frequent preaching about going to therapy, I'm secretly glad they all know. I've practically as many diagnoses as the DSM-V, and I'm done being ashamed of that. I deal with my mental illness, and I don't let it run my life. That's a triumph. And I want everyone to have the opportunity to get to a place where they embrace their acronym cocktail brain as well. And you don't need to "have anything" to benefit from therapy! A counselor could teach you healthy ways to deal with stress and good ways to deal with work-related conflict.

Buuuuuuuut, I know how much of a dumpster fire insurance can be in this country, so if in-person therapy isn't an option for you, consider this article about free and affordable online counseling. You don't have to tell a soul. Try it out. Find yourself a Deb.

2. Clean Your Space.
This is the one I struggle with. After working all day, not only do I not feel like cleaning my house (physically and mentally), I often literally do not have the time to do it. But when I force myself to wipe down the counters or make my bed or scoop the litter box, I feel a little swell of pride like "Wow, I'm pretty strong and capable and that's cool." That little swell is nice. Work for it.

3. Take Care of Your Body.
For some, this means eating vegetarian or vegan, hitting the gym regularly, and getting a perfect eight hours every night. But for normal humans, I think something as simple as trying to eat a little more healthy or sleeping ten minutes more a night could do the trick. As I've mentioned, I also love my skincare routine. I do this every morning and night, and it takes about ten minutes. It feels AWESOME to wash off the stress of the day, and on a particularly difficult night, I repeat really nice things to myself while wash, which brings me to my next point...

4. Keep Your Self-Talk Positive.
Corny, I know, but effective. My rule of thumb is to speak to myself only in the same ways I would speak to my students or a puppy. If I lock my keys in my car, I am not "so stupid"; just forgetful. See what I mean? Most people can agree that humans deserve kindness, so why not start with ourselves?




There are plenty more, I'm certain, but these are the few I've chosen to focus on. Give one a try! Even the slightest change in your life can bring on peace.

Good luck and teach on, my friends!

The Problematic YA Fiction Relationship

Ahh, young love. The only thing better is fictional young love. I still remember reading about strapping young men with square jaws, mysterious dark sides, and the ability to say just the right thing.

Chances are, if you were an avid reader growing up, you also fantasized multiple times about fictional hotties. And I held those literary loves very close to my heart until very recently when I started to reread some books I used to love.

Instead of falling in love with my past book boyfriends all over again, I discovered 5 types of crappy relationships that we are normalizing in YA lit.

The I-Don't-Deserve-You Relationship
You're just too good for me; I am but a lowly peasant in comparison to your brilliance... Blah blahblah blahblah. Having been a teenager who believed that I was never good enough for the people I was interested in, this absolutely infuriates me.
Why do we glamorize self-doubt? When it is already so hard to love yourself, why do we make it seem attractive to believe yourself inferior?
Exhibit A: Twilight. Bella and Edward's entire relationship was continually in distress because each party truly believed that each didn't deserve the other. This is not love, people. This is infatuation paired with possible mental illness.

The He-Just-Gets-Mad-Sometimes Relationship
I could rant about 50 Shades of Grey here, but nobody wants to see me get that heated so I'll leave it at this: red flags that in real life would hint at a potential abusive relationship are not sexy. It is not attractive to watch your partner lose control of their temper on a regular basis. In reality, it's fear-inducing, not exhilarating. Passion is sexy. Even anger can be an intriguing character trait. Unbridled violence is not.

The Love Triangle.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS LITERARY, PLEASE STOP.
I get it: people love watching the brave couple navigate the challenges of love. And the forbidden is just that much more thrilling. I love drama in books! But this trope is worn out. Please, please, stop, authors. Challenge your characters. Put them through hell. Make them appreciate their partner. But maybe do it in a different way for once?

The I-Will-Die-Without-You Relationship.
So, yes, we've all been there. There's that one person who took over your world, who - with one look - could knock the breath out of you. Maybe you're still with them. Maybe you're not. That power in a relationship is absolutely intoxicating, and that's the kind of love I want to read about.
But.
When the protagonist suddenly becomes a parasite who is completely dependent on their lover, I lose interest.
NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON.
Even without the person you love most in the big, wide world, you are still a whole person. You are enough on your own.
Self love is sexier than any obsessive relationship I've ever read. And that's what I want to get from books. Do I enjoy watching characters fall in love? Absolutely. But I want them fall in love with themselves, first and foremost.

 The She's-Just-Complicated Relationship.
I'm looking at you, John Green.
Let's be clear: I love reading characters who make me angry, characters who are an absolute train-wreck. But I don't love when characters fall in love with other characters simply because they are "complicated" and they waste time and effort trying to "fix" or change them.
It's even worse when it actually works and every problematic behavior magically disappears from the power of LOVE.
I have never once seen this actually work on a real relationship.



Long story short... I'm not looking to read picture-perfect relationships in YA lit. That would be mind-numbingly boring. But when I do read problematic relationships, it would be nice if they were portrayed as unhealthy instead of being normalized.
I'm no expert, but I certainly know what I don't want to be in any of the relationships above.

So here's where you come in. What did I miss? Comment any problematic relationships that you've noticed reading!

Until next time...

Winner of Free Write Friday #2

   So after a week of open submissions and lots of tough deliberating, a winner for #FreeWriteFriday #2 has been reached! 

Congratulations to Adrian Bojan, of Berks County, for his untitled story below. Give it a read. It definitely touched my heart, and anyone who has a pet that is part of the fmaily will surely agree. 

Here it is:

There was once a girl named Alyssa who lived in Oley, Pennsylvania. She owned a light brown Labrador Retriever, whose name was Rusty. Alyssa absolutely loved Rusty, and she would beg her parents to bring the Retriever wherever they went. Whenever Alyssa would go to school, Rusty would follow her to the front door and wait there for her until she came back. Everytime Alyssa got home from school, she would get jumped on by Rusty. They were best friends, until one tragic day. On the last day of school when Alyssa got home, Rusty wasn’t there to jump in her and lick her face.

She called, “Rusty? Where are you Rusty?”

Rusty was nowhere to be found. Alyssa ran outside panicking, looking everywhere for her beloved dog. She then felt her phone vibrating in her back pocket. It was her mom. As she answered the phone, her mom told her calmly,“Come to the Veterinarian, it’s an emergency”.

Alyssa ran to the Veterinarian as quick as she could. When she walked in, she saw her parents sitting in the back of the room, with tears in their eyes. Alyssa walked to them and asked,

“What’s wrong? Where’s Rusty?”

Her father looked at her and told her,“Go through those doors”.

Not knowing what was about to happen, Alyssa slowly walked through the double doors. She was greeted by a tall, slender women with blue eyes.

“Alyssa,” she began. “Rusty is diagnosed with cancer, I’m afraid he doesn’t have much time. I would say your goodbyes now,” she concluded, leaving Alyssa alone in the room.

Her eyes full of tears, she approached the body of her best friend.

“Rusty no! This can’t be happening! I’m dreaming, someone wake me up please!” Alyssa cried.

She buried her head into Rusty’s body, her tears soaking his fur.

As Rusty’s eyes began to close for the last time, he looked at Alyssa in the eyes, waving his tail and barked one. Rusty’s eyes began to close. Rusty was dead. Alyssa’s eyes burned with loss and grief. She picked up Rusty in her arms and walked out of the room. She walked past her parents, still with tears in her eyes, and walked out the front door. Once she was home, she grabbed a shovel and started to dig a hole in her backyard. After she was done, she carefully laid Rusty in the hole. Before she buried him, she put his favorite chew toy and bone on top of him and started to cover his lifeless body. Alyssa would never be the same again.

It’s been 3 years after Rusty’s death, and Alyssa is still struck with loss and grief. Everyday she goes outside and visits Rusty’s grave. Sometimes she swears she can hear him barking and walking up the stairs, but she knows he’s gone. Even though Rusty is gone, Alyssa still has dreams of her and Rusty doing everything they used to do. 

Why I Owe it All to my Hometown

Here's what you need to know about my hometown:

1. There's probably more cows than people. And I like it that way.

2. The people there are great, despite being accidentally racist on occasion. 

3. We like guns. Like, a lot. 

4. Seeing a tractor in the school parking lot was in no way shocking.

5. There are no secrets. Ever. 

6. Everyone is your grandma. And they show love by feeding you.

7. It is the reason I am who I am today.

All joking aside, I seriously love my little podunk slice of heaven. I remember being seventeen and perpetually bitter, wanting nothing more than to leave that itty bitty town in my rear view mirror and never look back. And when I went to college, I had every intention of doing that.

But then something changed.

The city was loud and rough and though I learned how to take care of myself real quick, I ached for rolling hills and dairy farms. I had an accent here, and the food was awful. 

And when I moved away to Virginia for a job, I thought the ache would subside. I always wanted to live in the south, didn't I? So why was the longing only getting sharper?

I came back to Pennsylvania a little over a year ago, and nothing ever felt as good as passing state lines back into the north. It wasn't home, not really, but it was closer. And then I realized.

My hometown is what built me. The people, the country air, the teachers and coaches and friends and old boyfriends, all of it. And to this day, they do nothing but push me up so I can reach the sky. 

I released my second novel in April of this year, and never before have I felt the love and support of my community so strongly. 

So I know this post is all over the place, but this is long overdue.

Thank you. Thank you - Rome, Pa. - for motivating me to make you proud. Thank you for always taking me back, even when I tried to leave. Thank you for encouraging my goals, even when they were a long shot. I met them because of you.

And please don't ever think that I take that for granted.