Creative Burnout is Real; So How Can We Combat It?

Hi all. If I sound sheepish, it's because... well, I am. It's been four months since I last blogged.
Four months.
And I'm sorry. But life happened. A new job, a house hunt, family, and all sorts of other bumps in the road just put me off writing for a while. And even now, I struggle to find something to say because I am so burnt out. 

But wait! My author brain screeches. That's a blog topic! 

So here we are. It's time to talk candidly about creative burnout, friends. From day jobs to life stages to deadlines and more, the causes of burn out are varied and often unavoidable. It doesn't matter what you do; if you create, you are susceptible to this. And if you've never burnt out, then I have two things to tell you: 

First, you are a liar.

Second, teach me your ways.

Because to be completely frank, I'm not convinced that mine are working. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. As with anything, the first step to dealing with any problem is admitting and recognizing that a problem exists. So here are the signs I've come to recognize in myself as preceding the colossal crash. 


You Have No Ideas
Your head is empty. A dry well. A blank page. Whatever metaphor you prefer, it all boils down to the same thing: a big ol' dumdum brain with nothing going on in it. Even when you can carve out time to work on your projects, there is no creative energy to be spent on them. You stare at the canvas or the page or the whatever, and absolutely nothing springs to mind. 

Everything Is Awful
Let's say you get over that first hump, and you create something with that fleeting, glorious idea you had. And it is the worst thing of all the things you ever did. Yeah, I know the feeling. Except consider this: maybe it's not. Maybe it's okay, and you're being overly critical because burn out makes you feel hopeless and those tiny voices that scream "You're finished! No more art for you!" are a little louder right now through no fault of your own.

You Don't Enjoy It Anymore
This would be the nail in the coffin. Writing is my favorite thing in the whole world, so when I sit down to do it and the dread settles into the pit of my stomach, then I know I'm in burnout mode. I'm frustrated, dissatisfied, and so tired. 



So what are you supposed to do to get by? How do you combat the burnout? The unfortunate answer is that there is no one answer. But here's a few you can try on for size:


1. No ideas? Fine. Steal some.

Yep. That's what I said. Steal some. And before you work yourself in a tizzy, I am not advocating using someone's work without giving them credit, and I'm not telling you to copy. But consider this: most of Shakespeare's greatest works were informed by Grecian tragedies written before he'd ever begun his career. There is such a thing as direct inspiration, and if you use it effectively, you can help get your own groove back. No one is saying you need to share the projects that are too close to other people's. But the very act of creating something that is in some sense easier than a project that is original can be therapeutic. 

2. Your work is crap? Yay! Keep crapping and pretend it's someone else's crap.

Recently, a friend told me a story about one of my favorite albums, "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." The album, he told me, was the brainchild of a simple concept: pretend you're someone else. Take on a nom de plum or something similar. If you create something completely outlandish and terrible, it's a lot easier to attribute that work to someone who doesn't exist. It's not you; it's simply the persona you took on to grow as a creator. Absolutely no shame in that. And if it can work for the Beatles, it can work for you. Who knows? Maybe you'll discover aspects of your style that you never knew existed before. 

3. Back to Basics

Why do you love creating? What is keeping you from loving it right now? For me, these two questions have been integral to getting back on my writer's feet. Why do I love creating? Because it makes me feel free and it's important. It is part escapism, part activism, and part imagination. What keeps me from loving it right now? Expectation, plain and simple. I'm terrified that I won't live up to my readers' expectations, I'm terrified that I won't live up to my students' expectations, and -- above all -- I'm convinced I will never live up to my own.



So I need to take expectations out of the mix. Maybe you do, too. Or maybe not. In any case, I hope this blog helped you in some way, shape, or form. If nothing else, know you're not burning out alone. 

Sending peace and kindness and creative vibes,

-Stormy

Obligatory New Year's Resolution Post

I'll be honest: I've never done this. I mean, yeah, I have made New Year's resolutions before, and I actually (usually) keep them. But I've never announced my resolution to the masses, mostly because I'm not vain enough to believe that anyone actually gives a single crap. But -- at the risk of sounding completely stereotypical -- 2018 feels different.  

I have a few personal resolutions that, like usual, I'm going to keep to myself. However, this year I am going to make a public resolution, one that pertains specifically to my writing. 

In 2018 and beyond, I am going to stop looking backwards.

This seems obvious, I know, but give me a chance to explain. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at old writing and lamenting my word choice, typos, or sentence structure. This chapter would have had much more impact if I had only done this. This novel could be elevated if I had spent more time on it and done this. It's exhausting. And I used to think that it was a necessary step to getting better at your craft. Now I think otherwise. 

Yes-- you should always look to past missteps to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. But what you shouldn't do is fixate, obsess, and - worst of all - feel shame about something you've created. We all cringe at some of the early things we made, but those products are still valuable. They represent the you that existed before. And now you've grown. That's okay. That shouldn't be a source of embarrassment; growth is miraculous! As artists of any type, we should be celebrating these perceived failures as what they really are: prototypes or drafts or practice rounds that inevitably lead to a bigger, better, and more satisfying creation.

 "Do your best until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." -Maya Angelou. My mom is forever quoting this to me, and today, this really rings true. No one expects a creator to be perfect. We expect creators to grow and change and above all, to keep creating. If you can do that, well, you can do anything. 

Long story short, since I decided to stop looking backwards, I outlined a new novel, wrote three drafts of the first chapter, and one draft of chapter two. 

It doesn't feel perfect, but it feels good.
And that's enough. 

Thankful for Reviewers

With Thanksgiving disappearing along with November, I thought it would be fitting to quickly write about something I'm thankful for: reviewers. I know we authors harp on this all the time, but seriously! Leaving a review is one of the best ways you can say thank you to an author whom you admire. Reviews help the book gain visibility to bestseller lists, promo opportunities, and other readers. The more reviews, the more credibility the book has. Not a perfect system, sure, but it's the one we have.

So if you've reviewed any of my books, thank you!

 
via GIPHY

The Separation just reached its 25th review on Amazon, which -- although small -- is a milestone to celebrate. You help to encourage other readers to pick up the book, and for that, I can't thank you enough! And if, perhaps, you wrote a negative review like this one, I STILL  thank you. Because that review convinced a bunch of people to read my book if only to see if it was really so bad as this woman described. I'd be lying if I said that didn't bring me just the smallest morsel of joy.


via GIPHY

Have you read something of mine recently? Like it? Despise it? Either way, leave a review! It only takes a few minutes, and it gives me meaningful feedback. Go on Amazon, Evernight Publishing, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads-- heck, write a blog about it. Tell your neighbors. Write a bill board! Okay, maybe don't do that last one. But you get my point, right?

Love an author? Leave a review. And for those who already do, we salute you. 

How to Support an Author -- Without Even Buying a Book

Okay, so let's be real. We want you to read our books. I have one coming out this month, even. It would be pretty great if somebody read it. But I get it -- books require some disposable income that we don't always have. So if you can't spend on book-buying but you still want to support authors, here are some pointers.

1. Support them on social media
At the risk of sounding like everyone else, social media and marketing are nearly synonymous these days. That being said, following an author on all forms of social media that you have can be not only helpful to the writer, but also really fun for you. You get to keep up with new developments, see giveaways before other people, and sneak a peek into a writer's life. And don't forget, sharing is caring! 

This includes crowdfunding-esque sources like Thunderclap, Daycause, and more. For example, with a new release coming up, I have a Thunderclap that needs 100 supporters; in other words, 100 people need to support the cause by allowing the program to automatically share a message from their chosen social media. Things like this aren't always common knowledge to readers, but most authors know them intimately. Help us out, free of charge! 

2. Leave a review
Let's say you've already read the book. It costs nothing at all for you to take five minutes and leave an honest review. Many people use reviews to help them decide to buy a book. Not to mention, sites like BookBub and others use reviews as an indicator of a book's worth. Right or wrong, we need reviews to survive.

3. Spread the word
Far and away, the best method of marketing is word of mouth. So if you want to support an author, recommend them to your friends. Talk them up to librarians and independent bookstores who may want to order something new. Suggest their books to anyone who asks for something new. 



See? Easy! And not a penny spent. 

One more thing...I know not everyone loves eBooks, but consider this: an eBook copy of one of my books is under five dollars. Less than a trip to the gas station. Less than a movie ticket. And you get to read it for hours and keep it forever. 

Just think about it. Your independent and local authors are worth it. 

Literary Ladies: Why I Don't Want an All-Female Lord of the Flies

Okay, so this post is a bit of a rant. It's just that as a woman, as a reader, and as a writer, I have a vested interest in female characters, and I can't keep my mouth shut about it anymore. With all these new female-driven remakes (think Ghostbusters, Lord of the Flies, and other projected projects), I thought it was time to discuss. 

First off, I don't want a remake of old male-driven stories. All that tends to do is create flat characters who aren't authentic because woman was injected into the story to appease the masses. That only adds to the problematic archetypes we're already fighting including...

1. The Super Sexy Lady
I actually became shockingly enraged recently having invest a lot of time into trying to read the book The Magicians. I disliked the book for a variety of reasons, but chief among them was this: every woman was exactly the same, and every woman was nothing more than a voluptuous sexy-pants that didn't really have much more depth than that. Take, for instance, this quote:

"The woman was disarmingly, almost inappropriately pretty--"

And then later: 

"She was pale and thin and unreasonably lovely, with a broad, ridiculously sexy mouth."

But when describing men, we get something like this:

"His stomach was a sizable hump, his hair a crazy gray Einstein half-noggin."

While I don't think any of these descriptions are stellar, I have a clear image of the man. I know what he looks like. The females, on the other hand, are vague images that float away because they are as insubstantial as characters as their descriptions would have you believe.

2. The Fallen Woman
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP WITH THIS. Everyone from Flaubert to Judd Apatow is guilty of this little trope. You create this character who is unattainable, vaguely cold with some sort of mental hang up, and somehow irresistible. In the end, there are two options. A, the woman self-destructs like in Madame Bovary and Anna Karenina. Or B -- the option I refer to as the John Green option -- the woman is lusted after by some self-proclaimed pathetic nice-guy loser, and she hurts him (think Love, the Netflix show, Looking for Alaska... the list goes on). Both are predictable. 

3. The Sweetheart
Everybody loves a sweetie, including me! But when that sweet woman has absolutely no personality, it's mind-numbingly boring. And no, I'm not saying that every character must be strong, self-assured and confident. I think a self-conscious female character can be very dynamic. But a lack of personality (cough cough BELLA SWAN cough cough), is something different altogether.



Look, I could go on, but I won't. My point is this: We don't need female-driven remakes like Ghostbusters and Lord of the Flies. We need original, dynamic, complicated female characters that are telling their own stories. We need characters who -- likable or not -- are reflections of real human women. That's what we want. Nothing more.

 

Confessions of an Awkward Author

So it's come to my attention that we writers tend to have a lot of secrets. I thought that it would be fitting - given I just made my magazine debut in First For Women this month - to confess a few of my own secrets.
I'm mostly a glutton for punishment, but there is a small part of me that hopes you'll be brave and confess your own secrets in the comment section!

1. I struggle with biting off more than I can chew.
--In writing and in life. And it's not that I can't handle all the things I throw myself into (at 110%, top speed, I might add), it's more that I can't handle it when I don't do everything absolutely perfectly. Failure at something I'm new to is a learning experience. Failing at something I thought I was good at usually throws me into a tailspin. 

2. I don't know how to balance humility and promotion.
Probably any business owner/person with their own brand has this problem. I'm not sure how to take credit for the hard work I've put in when I accomplish
 something. I'm not sure how to remain humble and still promote my work. I constantly worry that I'm erring too much on one side or the other.

3. I still fear rejection, every single time.
Even with Evernight -- who has graciously accepted and published everything I sent their way -- I am terrified that my work won't be accepted. And I get rejected all the time. The suspense created waiting for an answer is actually worse than the rejection letters that I get on the regular.

4. I am still learning.
I'm in a writer's group. I'm going to grad school. I will always be learning, no matter how many things I publish. There will always be someone who knows more than me, and that's actually really comforting to me. It means I never have to stop growing.

5. I sacrifice socializing for writing, but not just because I need to meet deadlines.
I also do it because I truly love to write. I also enjoy being by myself. Maybe that doesn't gel with everyone, but I need my me-time. I think everyone should learn how to be comfortable alone before adding anyone else to the equation.


And that's not even all my neuroses! But I felt it was time to air them out, so hear they are. Have your own confessions? Let them out! I'd love to hear them, and the truth will set you free.

Character Coffeehouse - Phoenix

It's that time again... Character Coffeehouse! As a reminder, the rules are simple:
1. Pick a character of your own creation or otherwise
2. Place them in the setting of a coffeehouse
3. Write! But no more than 500 words.

This particular CC for me is eye-opening. Someone who I have struggled empathizing with is becoming a little more human...

“Coffee. Black.”

Phoenix Handler didn’t overuse words. The barista was likely not smart enough to benefit from the extra effort anyway. In any case, language was important to her. The right words could soothe, inspire, or placate. The wrong ones could incite a riot.

It was one of the first lessons her Elder taught her as Matriarch of Genesis. Women saw her as cold, Phoenix knew, but that wasn’t true. Priscilla Handler - leader of the city - simply didn’t have time to make friends. And Phoenix agreed.

“Here.” The barista offered the cup of coffee meekly, refusing to meet Phoenix’s green eyes. She took it briskly, tossing black hair over one shoulder.

Head up. She straightened her back, looking steadily ahead as she located a table. Another lesson she’d learned. When you look like you know what you’re doing, like you’re on a mission of the utmost importance, people will believe you are important. It’s about more than just oozing confidence; you don’t simply expect respect, you demand it.

It certainly had worked so far. From the time she was twelve years old, Phoenix Handler was top of her class, admired by all and feared by nearly as many. She was first pick in her Partnering Ceremony, the highest honor a Youth could be given in Genesis. Some might celebrate that fact, but Phoenix was quite different. Her accomplishments were momentary happinesses before they became motivation to do better, be better.

She was aware that at this point, she wasn’t even competing with the other girls; she was competing with herself.

“A competition that you will never win,” Priscilla had pointed out to her once. It was a rare moment of affection, one that Phoenix quickly dismissed.

“One I’ll never lose, either.”

The memory tugged gently at Phoenix’s heart, and for just a moment, she let herself close her eyes and remember what it felt like to have an Elder. Before anyone could see, though, the black haired beauty of Genesis was leaving the little coffeeshop, green eyes as guarded as ever.

The Problematic YA Fiction Relationship

Ahh, young love. The only thing better is fictional young love. I still remember reading about strapping young men with square jaws, mysterious dark sides, and the ability to say just the right thing.

Chances are, if you were an avid reader growing up, you also fantasized multiple times about fictional hotties. And I held those literary loves very close to my heart until very recently when I started to reread some books I used to love.

Instead of falling in love with my past book boyfriends all over again, I discovered 5 types of crappy relationships that we are normalizing in YA lit.

The I-Don't-Deserve-You Relationship
You're just too good for me; I am but a lowly peasant in comparison to your brilliance... Blah blahblah blahblah. Having been a teenager who believed that I was never good enough for the people I was interested in, this absolutely infuriates me.
Why do we glamorize self-doubt? When it is already so hard to love yourself, why do we make it seem attractive to believe yourself inferior?
Exhibit A: Twilight. Bella and Edward's entire relationship was continually in distress because each party truly believed that each didn't deserve the other. This is not love, people. This is infatuation paired with possible mental illness.

The He-Just-Gets-Mad-Sometimes Relationship
I could rant about 50 Shades of Grey here, but nobody wants to see me get that heated so I'll leave it at this: red flags that in real life would hint at a potential abusive relationship are not sexy. It is not attractive to watch your partner lose control of their temper on a regular basis. In reality, it's fear-inducing, not exhilarating. Passion is sexy. Even anger can be an intriguing character trait. Unbridled violence is not.

The Love Triangle.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS LITERARY, PLEASE STOP.
I get it: people love watching the brave couple navigate the challenges of love. And the forbidden is just that much more thrilling. I love drama in books! But this trope is worn out. Please, please, stop, authors. Challenge your characters. Put them through hell. Make them appreciate their partner. But maybe do it in a different way for once?

The I-Will-Die-Without-You Relationship.
So, yes, we've all been there. There's that one person who took over your world, who - with one look - could knock the breath out of you. Maybe you're still with them. Maybe you're not. That power in a relationship is absolutely intoxicating, and that's the kind of love I want to read about.
But.
When the protagonist suddenly becomes a parasite who is completely dependent on their lover, I lose interest.
NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON.
Even without the person you love most in the big, wide world, you are still a whole person. You are enough on your own.
Self love is sexier than any obsessive relationship I've ever read. And that's what I want to get from books. Do I enjoy watching characters fall in love? Absolutely. But I want them fall in love with themselves, first and foremost.

 The She's-Just-Complicated Relationship.
I'm looking at you, John Green.
Let's be clear: I love reading characters who make me angry, characters who are an absolute train-wreck. But I don't love when characters fall in love with other characters simply because they are "complicated" and they waste time and effort trying to "fix" or change them.
It's even worse when it actually works and every problematic behavior magically disappears from the power of LOVE.
I have never once seen this actually work on a real relationship.



Long story short... I'm not looking to read picture-perfect relationships in YA lit. That would be mind-numbingly boring. But when I do read problematic relationships, it would be nice if they were portrayed as unhealthy instead of being normalized.
I'm no expert, but I certainly know what I don't want to be in any of the relationships above.

So here's where you come in. What did I miss? Comment any problematic relationships that you've noticed reading!

Until next time...

Your Publishing Questions... Answered!

Hello all! 

So more and more, I'm getting asked questions about my process and the path to getting published. I am more than happy to talk to anybody about getting published, but I thought it would also be good to have a resource here to direct them to. So without any further ado, here are the answers to publishing questions we have all had at one time or another! 

Should I get an agent?
That depends. In this day and age, having an agent is not a one-way ticket to author stardom. In the same way, not having an agent doesn't hurt your chances of being published. Lots of publishers take direct submissions, and even the bigger publishers often have periods where they open up to unsolicited submissions for a limited time. 
If you know for a fact that you absolutely must be published by one of the Big Five (Penguin Random House, Macmillan, HarperCollins, Hachette and Simon & Schuster), then yes, you probably should query an agent. If not, then your options are very open, and an agent is not necessary in the least! 

How do I find an agent?
This part takes not only talent, time, and effort, but also luck. When you query an agent (or a publisher, for that matter) you're not only banking on the fact that you've got a fantastic book to sell them, you're also depending on the fact that the book you're selling fits their taste. This is the real challenge. If you're up for that, then here's what you need to do.

1. Find a selection of agents who are open to submissions specific to what you're selling. A good place to start is at Writer's Digest.

2. Send those agents queries. Be respectful if they ask for you to only query one at a time from a certain agency. As a matter of fact, just be respectful to any of their wishes regardless.

3. Wait. This is hard. Frequently, if it's a no from an agent, you'll never hear back. You have to accept this. Sometimes you get lucky and receive some sort of confirmation that they've seen the query, whether they like the manuscript or not.

How do I find a publisher?
Well, as with anything, the name of the game is research. I use a variety of ways to be vigilant for publishers who are open to my genre at any given time. Here are some resources that I love and want to pass on to you:

1. QueryTracker
Not only does QueryTracker list hundreds of publishers alphabetically, it lists whether they are open to unsolicited submissions, what genre they're seeking, and success stories from people who've queried. Oh, and it's FREE!

2. Author's Publish Magazine
This is another free resource. Author's Publish is a periodical that sends out publishers who are open to submissions, free ebooks helping you hone your craft, and articles relevant to writers. They also include direct links to the submissions pages for each publisher.

3. Freedom with Writing
Another free periodical. The only difference between Author's Publish and this one is the fact that Freedom With Writing only sends out jobs for which you will get paid, whether it's blog posts, articles, or full manuscripts.

A word of caution: no matter whom you query, respect their guidelines for submission. If they don't accept simultaneous submissions (when you submit to more than one publisher at a time) then don't do it. It's not just a faux pas; if you start disrespecting publishers, doors will start closing to you. The industry is smaller than you think, and you don't want to hurt your chances with one publisher by snubbing another.

How do I know which publishers are good and which ones aren't?
Talk to the authors. Most of us are super open to hearing from prospective colleagues and other writers. We'll tell you what we think of our publishers. For example, I had a bad relationship with my first publisher, America Star Books (formerly PublishAmerica), and that could be a separate post all on its own. But now, I absolutely adore my publisher (Evernight Publishing). There are plenty of testimonials online-- look for them before you query.

How do I write a good query letter? 
Ahh, the golden question. If we authors knew the perfect answer to this, we would all be millionaires, wouldn't we? The best guidance I can give you is this: look at a bunch, and find the format that works for you. If you'd like to see mine, send me a message or comment below! I'm willing to share. You can read examples of successful letters here. Also, keep in mind that the genre you write (for me, it's fiction -- specifically YA novels) is going to affect your query, so do targeted research.

How do I handle rejection? How much is normal?
No one has a perfect answer. Dealing with rejection is different for everyone. I personally keep all my rejections in a folder, and I read them only on the day I receive them. If there's any constructive criticism in the letter, I definitely consider whether I want to make any corrections or changes based on what they've said. Usually I just read it, shrug, and move on. No biggie.
By the way, as much as getting a rejection letter can make your stomach sink, not getting one is even more likely, and even more unsettling. Prepare for that. Prepare for a lot of that.
And as for "how much is normal," that depends on how much you submit. By nature, most of what you'll receive is rejection; that's okay. You'll survive, I promise.

How long does it take?
This varies for each person. I'm sure there's super lucky genius authors who find their perfect publisher in no time flat, but I'm not one of those people. I signed with the first publisher who'd take me when I was 19, and I regret that. Then, when it was time to submit again, it took me over a year to find and get accepted by Evernight. A full year. So don't get discouraged! All the greats have been rejected multiple times. It's so, so normal.





So that's it. In the interest of not cramming too much into one post, I'll leave it at that. Still questioning? Shoot me an email, comment below, or send a carrier pigeon to my residence. I'll answer your question to the best of my ability, and I just might post it here!

5 Things All Writers Should Know About

 I was recently asked if there are any awesome resources out there that I recommend to newer writers, and I realized that there are actually a bunch. So here is a list of some awesome websites, apps, and more that I highly recommend for every writer -- new or not. 

1. Baby Names Genius (free)
If you write fiction like me, you likely get sick of trying to come up with names for characters. Also, being named Stormy, I think I have some (unrealistically) high standards for a name to be fitting, unique, and interesting. That's why you need this app! The awesome thing about this app is that it not only presents you with a bunch of baby names at the touch of a button, you can browse by gender, origin, country, and more. My favorite feature, though, is the "genius" button, where you can thumbs up or thumbs down names, and using some sort of cool science-y algorithm, the app gives you more of what you like. And those names you thumbed up? They save so you can go through them later. MAGICAL.


2. Heromachine.com (free)
I am a visual person, so I love seeing my characters come to life. With Hero Machine (also free!), you can do just that. It does take time, but you create animated versions of your characters like the one I have below. Once you're done, you can save in two ways - just a headshot or full body. The background is also relatively customizable, and the color choices are absolutely incredible! Check it out!

My main character, Eroyn Fairchild 

3. Quotescover.com (free)

Again with the visual stuff. quotescover.com is a free tool that allows you to create quotes layered over images. Of course Photoshop does the same thing, but uh... it costs money. This website is obviously much simpler, but it gets the job done. And it lets you choose the format, whether it be a FB or Twitter cover or something else. Here's one I made for promo for my upcoming release The Elimination. 

4. The Creative Habit: Learn it and Use it For Life by Twyla Tharp ($11.80)
Okay, so now we're done with free stuff. But if you're truly a writer, you have to be okay with investing in yourself. This book is one investment that I really recommend. Even if you aren't a writer, the book is applicable to any creative outlet. In fact, the author was a dancer before she wrote the book. You can buy it here. Or pretty much any other book retailer. 



5. MiracleBind Notebook ($17.29)
This notebook is the stuff dreams are made of. The "MiracleBind" refers to the fact that the binding is made specifically so that you can remove and rearrange pages easily. On top of that, you can buy refill pages, so you can use the notebook as long as it will hold up. And so far, for me, it's been a year and still going strong. That may not seem like a long time, but if you knew the places I've dragged that notebook to, you'd be applauding it. The Blueline website carries the notebook, and I promise it's worth the money.


This list is not even scratching the surface of the resources I use on a regular basis, but it is a pretty good place to start. I'm sure that there will be a part II in the future, but for now, check these out! 
What do you use? 

Happy Birthday America -- Here's Your Gift

Yay it's America's birthday! So I won't take long on this post, only long enough to tell you that on this glorious of occasions, I have a gift for you, America (And, you know, every other country I suppose). Here is part two of my newest story, "The Feathered Egg"! Enjoy here or on my Wattpad.

Part II of "The Feathered Egg" - The Boatman's Song

Crispel Habok was a large man, and though his excitement about his daughter’s wedding was boundless, his purse was not. These things in conjunction made it impossible for him to find suitable wedding clothes, and for that reason, he could not attend. Amya, upon discovering this, declared that she would not cross the Great Water without him. Their love, admirable though it may have been, ensured that Yadia would have to cross the Great Water alone, just as her sister had one week prior. The difference was that Sasia would be greeted by a husband, while Yadia would be greeted by no one. Still, she was not afraid, and she was not upset with her parents for their decision. Truth be told, this passage would be much cheaper, and it set Yadia at ease to know that she would not need to sell as much fish as she had previously thought. She wasn’t sure how long her talents would reign in the marketplace, so fewer wedding clothes to buy was good news.

She did relish in buying her own, however. She settled on a bright goldenrod set with a matching veil, scarlet hand-embroidered details, and twinkling anklets in the same deep red hue as the thread holding it all together. It was blinding beside her other clothes from Munkai Island, but at the floating barn of Castor, she knew that she would be little more than another face in the rainbow of wedding goers. Her clothes would pale in comparison to the jeweled splendor of a Castor wedding. She expected that she may well go blind within a fortnight.

All that aside, she felt like royalty when her mother’s eyes grew as round as saucers beholding her other daughter dressed in such lavishness.

“Oh Yadia,” she breathed. “Perhaps one of the men there, at the floating barn, perhaps--”

“Mother.” Yadia smiled sadly. “I will not scout a husband at my sister’s wedding. No man will give me a second look, we both know that.”

“He need only look twice to see you,” her mother said softly. “And with Sasia married, perhaps more people will. You are not all that plain, you know.”

“I know,” Yadia said, though she did not quite believe it. She did not mind being the plain sister. It was much preferable to being on display.

“Leave your veil loosened.” Amya fingered the light fabric of the scarf as she spoke. “Let them see you, even if they do not choose to look.”

Yadia was confused by her mother’s words, as she often was, so she just smiled and pulled a few strands of dark hair forward so that it was visible. It was the same deep mahogany of her eyes, and with the bright yellow beside it, she could admit that she did look pleasant. She knew, though, that “pleasant” would not be enough to draw the eye of a man attending such an extravagant event. But that was all right with her.

She gave her luggage, such as it was, to her navigator. He was a scrawny man missing several teeth in his crumbling mouth. When he smiled, his eyes and gums both glittered black. She was not altogether comfortable with the man her father had chosen to convey her across the Great Water, but she had no other choice. She must get to Sasia. It may be the last time she ever saw her sister, given that her rich husband would not likely make a habit out of traveling to Munkai Island. Still, she tucked a small filleting knife from the HABOK tent into her slipper, wrapped in a rag. She could dress a large fish in under a minute, so she imagined that a man wouldn’t hold up all that well against it.

Goodbyes were shorter with Yadia than they had been with her twin. Her parents looked grayish, like worn out rags in dingy dishwater. In other words, they were beginning to look like the rest of Munkai. Despite their lack of money and energy, there was no shortage of love. Her father kissed the top of her head, and her mother even looked a bit tearful as her boat sliced through the water and into the fog. Once her parents were out of sight, Yadia withdrew her little blade, hiding it in her sleeve for safekeeping.

The fog was all-consuming. Not seeing was something that Yadia was used to, but the utter silence, the stillness of the world, was something that she was unprepared for. It made her shiver under her gauzy sleeves, pulling her veil closer to her neck. It was even worse when the boatman began to sing. The song was low and mournful, in the language of another island, not the common one. Its foreign intonations made her feel inexplicably sad and thoughtful, but at least it distracted her from the oppressive mist.

It was said that the floating barn of Castor was staffed by one hundred people hand-chosen by the family. They even lived in cozy cells within the barn for all their lives. It was a thought that Yadia could not seem to get from her mind, and she wished she could. She had no experience but that which she learned from her father’s fishing business. The one thing that the floating barn did not raise? Fish. It was ridiculous to think that her sister could somehow get her a job there; people on all the islands of the Great Water wished for the same, she knew.

The only difference is that the other people of the Great Water don’t have Sasia as a sister, she was reminded by an unbidden thought. Soon to be Lady Castor, she corrected herself. She wondered whether she would be allowed to call her sister by her first name after the union. She hoped so; there was no chance that she would stop using her twin sister’s first name. It was her favorite word to say, from the moment she could speak. She felt a smile touch her face as she remembered that for her sister, her own name was the most important word in their language. Yadia’s first word had been “no,” and Sasia’s had been “Yadia.” It said a great deal about them both.

Yadia reclined against the rough stern of the little vessel, letting the mist in the air form little droplets on her eyelashes. Through the droplets, the world looked shiny and sparkling instead of dull and gray. It helped her fight off the anxiety from the boatman’s song and drift off to sleep.

New Free Fantasy Story!

Apologies for my absence, internet friends! I've been all over these past couple weeks (Firefly Music Festival; woo hoo!) and I'm just getting functional again after a yucky summer cold. To make up for lost time, I'm going to shut up and give you what you want, which is FREE CONTENT.

Yes, really, free. I've been so grateful for the support I'm getting from people reading my new novel, The Separation, and so I wanted to give back to YOU.

If you're anything like me, you pretty much live your life around watching Game of Thrones. If you don't, good GRACIOUS you better start. I mention this because the story I'm about to share with you is comparable to GoT's genre. If I had to label it, the label would read something like medieval-fantasy-awesomeness.
But you can judge for yourself. The story will be 10(ish) segments long, and I'll release them every week or so. If you don't like reading on here, check out my Wattpad account where it will also be available.

Happy reading, all!

The Feathered Egg -- Part One -- Yadia Habok

“I really must go now.” Sasia’s kiss fell on the apple of her sister’s cheek like a feather. She adjusted her headscarf and, after one last tearful smile, she disappeared from the little house on Munkai island. Yadia could not see her step into the narrow boat that would convey her twin sister across the Great Water, but she know that must be happening now. She had to get to the wedding somehow. It was Sasia’s marriage, after all.

Yadia sighed when she looked back at the house without Sasia in it. Not only was she gone, it seemed that she had taken their parents with her. Yadia’s mother was draped across the window sill, allowing herself to look haggard now that Sasia was out of sight. Her father was at work fishing the Great Water. They had all been working as much as possible to get the money to send Sasia to her husband. Even Yadia had stopped going to school and began helping her father fish. Now, with the wedding only a week away, Yadia could not even return. Not only had she missed the last exam of the term, the other girls at the Munkai school would never treat her the same now that Sasia was to be wed to a son of a Castor.

It shouldn’t matter, Yadia thought bitterly. It’s not as if Sasia’s new life will make mine any different.

But she knew that was not true. Sasia would be a Castor now, the richest people this side of the Great Water. Their floating barn was the envy of all the residents on Munkai. It was said that you could see its shape for miles and miles before you arrived. It was also said that the barn was a gift from the gods to Polix Castor in the years when magic was still alive and well. His sons had maintained the massive structure, filling it with stock of all kinds, for hundreds of years. Soon, Yadia would at least get to test the former theory. She was set to follow her sister across the Great Water to the floating barn of Castor in only a week. Though the wedding was sure to be dazzling, Yadia could not find it within her to be excited.

“Yadia,” her mother called softly. “Go into the market and find your father. You must help him sell today. Our work is not over.”

She sighed. Of course she knew it was not over. It would never be over. The family had hired a travel vessel for Sasia -- no cheap endeavor. It was for that vessel, and new wedding clothes, that Yadia and the rest of her family toiled. It would be easy for her to be angry with Sasia, but it would be no use. Yadia’s twin was pure, and she ought to know. They had shared a womb, a bed, and a mind for their entire lives. It was not like the stories the marketplace crones would tell; no magic was involved. But with only a look, Yadia could tell what her sister was thinking. She imagined it worked both ways, but now it would be hard to ever ask. Her sister was a half a world away, and Yadia was selling smelly fish in the market on Munkai.

It did not take long for her to locate her father’s tent. She’d been there time enough to know the tent solely from the feel of its canvas between her fingers. She did not need to read her father’s name hastily scrawled across its side. HABOK it read. Then, simply: FISH. Her father was not a clever man, and she wished he had let her do the lettering. She’d gotten top marks for penmanship at school.

As she swept the canvas out of her way, a gush of air entered her veil, and she held her breath to defend against the odor of fish. Yadia suddenly found herself in a new world of bickering men tearing money from each other’s fists one moment and laughing heartily the next. After she’d gotten used to this, Yadia found that she liked the cacophony of the marketplace. It allowed her to slip, unnoticed, tent to tent or dock to dock as the case may be. The men thought nothing of a dark clothed little Munkai girl, covered all but her eyes. That made it easy to get their money. She could tug on their arms just a little, lead them, guide them. And somehow they never seemed to notice the plain brown eyes that peered out from under her headscarf. They only noticed the fish, meager though it was, and usually they bought some. Yadia’s father said that business had never been so good as when she was there, “assisting.”

While she led them, she listened. They spoke of all sorts of things, in all sorts of words, most of which young ladies should not use. Yadia’s mother made sure that she never repeated what she heard in the market ever since she got caught whispering curses in Sasia’s ears. If her sister hadn’t been so quick to blush, they may never have been caught. But, as always, Sasia was too good of heart to be found guilty.

That’s why it was so easy for her parents to choose Sasia to become the bride of Tristan Castor. And her beauty didn’t hurt. But even the most beautiful girl in the world would have no chance to gain the admiration of a Castor without some intervention from the gods, which is what Yadia’s father attributed their good fortune to. Yadia wasn’t so sure. The story seemed to have reached legendary status on Munkai Island for as often as he told it. Each time, she thought it grew more and more extravagant. The last time she had heard it, it had gone something like this.

When Crispel Habok had married Amya Bodom, it had been for love, not status. Such was the way on Munkai, and thankfully his bride was thankful for it. What Crispel lacked in cleverness, he made up for in affection, though he would shower most of it on his wife before he fathered twin girls. Even then he worked as a fish merchant, long days spent on the Great Water alone and even longer nights finding his way back to the young Amya. On one such journey home, he came across something that would change the course of his life forever.

It looked like half an almond silhouetted in the reflection of the moon. After a moment, even Crispel could recognize that it was an overturned vessel, and the water was deadly still. Unlike most people of the Great Water, Crispel could swim, a side effect of having watched fish every day since he had gotten old enough to row. And in that moment, something struck him, and he leapt overboard.

At this part in the story, Yadia always rolled her eyes because her father said that the gods led him beneath the water with a glowing orb, an orb which led to a motionless body. Once Crispel had pulled the man aboard his own humble vessel, his body leaden with wet silk, he discovered that the man was not breathing. Somehow Crispel revived the man, and if the story was to be believed, a solid gold fish had spilled from his open mouth and disappeared into the Great Water. Regardless, when the man regained his senses, he was so overcome with gratitude for his savior that he made a significant promise: his first born son would wed the first born daughter of this man. It was then, and only then, that his life’s debt could be paid. Crispel readily agreed, although it wasn’t until morning light that he recognized the golden C emblazoned on his clothes as standing for Castor. The man was Lord Oryan Castor, and to be married to his son was better fortune than anyone on Munkai Island could ever dream of receiving. It was indeed a blessing from the gods, until Crispel fathered twin girls two years later.

As the story went, Crispel and Amya had decided to wait until they came of age to decide, but when Amya gave birth to Sasia, her beauty was so profound that they chose on the spot. And as she grew, she only became more comely, not to mention sweeter than any child the island had ever seen. And Yadia simply grew up beside her.

That was the part in the story when everyone would clap and cheer and Yadia’s parents would take Sasia’s veil off so that everyone could see how truly beautiful she was. And Sasia would blush and stutter until everyone had taken their fill of her face.

At least she was able to escape that, Yadia thought. She knew, just as she knew everything about her sister, that Sasia didn’t much like being shown off. When Yadia yearned to take her scarves off in the heat of the day, Sasia wrapped hers even tighter. The only person she allowed to look upon her face was Januel, the boy who helped her father sell in the market. Januel knew that in order to keep his job, he mustn’t stare, so he seemed the only man around whom Sasia relaxed.

“My darling!” The booming sound of her father’s voice pulled Yadia from her reverie brusquely. “I’ve needed you all day. Thank the gods you are here! There, a traveling group has just docked, go and lead them my darling.”

With a kiss on the top of her head, Crispel pushed her gently out of the tent toward the new group of men. Within just a few moments, Yadia had them all laughing in her father’s tent, buying scrawny silver baitfish. The haul today was especially pathetic, but they hardly seemed to notice. She only hoped she could keep providing them to her father. Before long, she would need to find a husband herself, though the prospect brought her no joy. In the meantime, she decided, she would stay married to the fish.