The Rejection Reframe: How Hard I Want to Fail This Year

I think it's safe to say that 2020 has been a year unlike any other already. As I write this, I'm holed up in my apartment under a "Stay At Home" order due to the COVID-19 virus. Even for a writer, the past two weeks at home have been claustrophobic. So I've thrown myself into my writing in many ways. Online writing workshops, revising old stories, brushing up query letters and sending them... no matter the method, I've been writing with one primary goal in mind: to fail.

Let me explain.

With a new manuscript, it's time again for me to start the process of submitting it places, and I made the supremely depressing decision to try and secure a literary agent this time around. If you know anything about this process, you know that it necessitates a lot of rejection... potentially more than submitting directly to publishers who don't require agents. So I was tiptoeing around starting the process, prolonging the inevitable Band-Aid pull, when I made a decision.

Instead of aiming for acceptance, what if I focused instead on rejection? What if I even set a goal?

It would ease the sting of so many rejections, and since I am a type A, neurotic perfectionist driven at breakneck speed toward any goal... it just might work.

So the goal of 50 rejections in 52 weeks was born. I started "shooting my shot" at any publisher, agent, journal, or organization that would have me. I've been shopping out plays, short stories, poems, my novel--everything. Because when you're aiming to fail, why not? 

And boy have I been failing. I've submitted seven different places in the past month, and I've gotten two official rejections, four still up in the air, and one very precious yes. 

Unexpectedly, the play I wrote for grad school, the play I thought was silly, inconsequential, and not worth the paper it's written on... is going on for a public reading.

...just as soon as we are all allowed out of our houses again. 

I know it's early, and those two rejections still stung, but I've been doing things I never thought possible. I've been pitching agents way "out of my league", sending out work I don't love, and bettering myself along the way. 

So I feel like I can tell you: aim to fail. Fail often and fail well and be proud of that failure. 

Because that's the only way I know to succeed. 

On the Eve of the 19-20 School Year, Self-Care is More Important Than Ever

This post is for the teachers, but not just for them. You know the feeling, one so prevalent that we have a term for it: the "Sunday scaries,"or that dread in the pit of your stomach when you think about going back to work in the morning. And for most of us, this is unavoidable; you can't just quit your job and live off oranges like some modern-day Jim Morrison. Even when you have a job you love (me!), it can still tax you to the point of complete and utter exhaustion (oh, me again). So listen up teachers! I have by no means perfected the cure to the Sunday scaries or the School Year Eve blues, but I think I have a plan to get through this.

Self Care.

And no, I'm not talking about pedicures and drinking whole bottles of wine on Tuesday nights, though these things are still valid options for the hard days. I'm talking about real self-care, the self-care that's hard. The self-care that you don't want to do when you've been on your feet all day caring for 150 little demons or angels, depending on the day or -- let's be real -- the hour.

I'm talking about making your bed every morning so your bedroom looks inviting instead of chaotic. I'm talking about not letting dishes pile up in the sink so that future you gets to come home and look at your space lovingly and with pride instead of heaviness in your chests when you consider all the work you have to do. I'm talking about washing your face twice a day, even when you don't want to. And moisturize, folks! It's five minutes in the morning and night during which you can literally shower yourself with love for a job well done. You deserve to feel peace at least that often.

If you're rolling your eyes or scoffing at how impossible it is, trust me, I get it. Do I have a plan for the school year? Yes. Will I fall off the wagon? Also yes. Will I get back on because the journey to peace and self-love is nonlinear and I freaking deserve happiness? Also also yes! So what my ADHD brain is trying to say here is... you deserve to live a life of joy, even and especially in your most stressed state. And while you also deserve bubble baths and facials and naps, just take note that you're not using these passive activities as avoidance tactics instead of real self-care. (Full disclosure, that little tidbit came from my therapist, Deb. She's a gem).

So because I love lists, I've made you one below of some of the things you can do to take care of yourself this school year, or -- for non-teachers -- your immediate future. A note: self-care is, unfortunately, an act which is much easier with some privilege, but I'm going to try and include activities that absolutely anyone can try along with some for more privileged folks.


1. Go to Therapy.
At this point, I'm fairly certain that everyone who knows me even slightly knows I see a therapist regularly, and while they probably roll their eyes at my very frequent preaching about going to therapy, I'm secretly glad they all know. I've practically as many diagnoses as the DSM-V, and I'm done being ashamed of that. I deal with my mental illness, and I don't let it run my life. That's a triumph. And I want everyone to have the opportunity to get to a place where they embrace their acronym cocktail brain as well. And you don't need to "have anything" to benefit from therapy! A counselor could teach you healthy ways to deal with stress and good ways to deal with work-related conflict.

Buuuuuuuut, I know how much of a dumpster fire insurance can be in this country, so if in-person therapy isn't an option for you, consider this article about free and affordable online counseling. You don't have to tell a soul. Try it out. Find yourself a Deb.

2. Clean Your Space.
This is the one I struggle with. After working all day, not only do I not feel like cleaning my house (physically and mentally), I often literally do not have the time to do it. But when I force myself to wipe down the counters or make my bed or scoop the litter box, I feel a little swell of pride like "Wow, I'm pretty strong and capable and that's cool." That little swell is nice. Work for it.

3. Take Care of Your Body.
For some, this means eating vegetarian or vegan, hitting the gym regularly, and getting a perfect eight hours every night. But for normal humans, I think something as simple as trying to eat a little more healthy or sleeping ten minutes more a night could do the trick. As I've mentioned, I also love my skincare routine. I do this every morning and night, and it takes about ten minutes. It feels AWESOME to wash off the stress of the day, and on a particularly difficult night, I repeat really nice things to myself while wash, which brings me to my next point...

4. Keep Your Self-Talk Positive.
Corny, I know, but effective. My rule of thumb is to speak to myself only in the same ways I would speak to my students or a puppy. If I lock my keys in my car, I am not "so stupid"; just forgetful. See what I mean? Most people can agree that humans deserve kindness, so why not start with ourselves?




There are plenty more, I'm certain, but these are the few I've chosen to focus on. Give one a try! Even the slightest change in your life can bring on peace.

Good luck and teach on, my friends!

Creative Burnout is Real; So How Can We Combat It?

Hi all. If I sound sheepish, it's because... well, I am. It's been four months since I last blogged.
Four months.
And I'm sorry. But life happened. A new job, a house hunt, family, and all sorts of other bumps in the road just put me off writing for a while. And even now, I struggle to find something to say because I am so burnt out. 

But wait! My author brain screeches. That's a blog topic! 

So here we are. It's time to talk candidly about creative burnout, friends. From day jobs to life stages to deadlines and more, the causes of burn out are varied and often unavoidable. It doesn't matter what you do; if you create, you are susceptible to this. And if you've never burnt out, then I have two things to tell you: 

First, you are a liar.

Second, teach me your ways.

Because to be completely frank, I'm not convinced that mine are working. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. As with anything, the first step to dealing with any problem is admitting and recognizing that a problem exists. So here are the signs I've come to recognize in myself as preceding the colossal crash. 


You Have No Ideas
Your head is empty. A dry well. A blank page. Whatever metaphor you prefer, it all boils down to the same thing: a big ol' dumdum brain with nothing going on in it. Even when you can carve out time to work on your projects, there is no creative energy to be spent on them. You stare at the canvas or the page or the whatever, and absolutely nothing springs to mind. 

Everything Is Awful
Let's say you get over that first hump, and you create something with that fleeting, glorious idea you had. And it is the worst thing of all the things you ever did. Yeah, I know the feeling. Except consider this: maybe it's not. Maybe it's okay, and you're being overly critical because burn out makes you feel hopeless and those tiny voices that scream "You're finished! No more art for you!" are a little louder right now through no fault of your own.

You Don't Enjoy It Anymore
This would be the nail in the coffin. Writing is my favorite thing in the whole world, so when I sit down to do it and the dread settles into the pit of my stomach, then I know I'm in burnout mode. I'm frustrated, dissatisfied, and so tired. 



So what are you supposed to do to get by? How do you combat the burnout? The unfortunate answer is that there is no one answer. But here's a few you can try on for size:


1. No ideas? Fine. Steal some.

Yep. That's what I said. Steal some. And before you work yourself in a tizzy, I am not advocating using someone's work without giving them credit, and I'm not telling you to copy. But consider this: most of Shakespeare's greatest works were informed by Grecian tragedies written before he'd ever begun his career. There is such a thing as direct inspiration, and if you use it effectively, you can help get your own groove back. No one is saying you need to share the projects that are too close to other people's. But the very act of creating something that is in some sense easier than a project that is original can be therapeutic. 

2. Your work is crap? Yay! Keep crapping and pretend it's someone else's crap.

Recently, a friend told me a story about one of my favorite albums, "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band." The album, he told me, was the brainchild of a simple concept: pretend you're someone else. Take on a nom de plum or something similar. If you create something completely outlandish and terrible, it's a lot easier to attribute that work to someone who doesn't exist. It's not you; it's simply the persona you took on to grow as a creator. Absolutely no shame in that. And if it can work for the Beatles, it can work for you. Who knows? Maybe you'll discover aspects of your style that you never knew existed before. 

3. Back to Basics

Why do you love creating? What is keeping you from loving it right now? For me, these two questions have been integral to getting back on my writer's feet. Why do I love creating? Because it makes me feel free and it's important. It is part escapism, part activism, and part imagination. What keeps me from loving it right now? Expectation, plain and simple. I'm terrified that I won't live up to my readers' expectations, I'm terrified that I won't live up to my students' expectations, and -- above all -- I'm convinced I will never live up to my own.



So I need to take expectations out of the mix. Maybe you do, too. Or maybe not. In any case, I hope this blog helped you in some way, shape, or form. If nothing else, know you're not burning out alone. 

Sending peace and kindness and creative vibes,

-Stormy

How Can non-LGBTQIA+ Authors Use Their Privilege This Pride Month?

How Can non-LGBTQIA+ Authors Use Their Privilege This Pride Month? 

This is a question I've been asking myself for years. Best case scenario, all straight authors prioritize the voices of members in the LGTBQ+ community, buy their work, and credit them whenever possible. But already being someone who writes and publishes regularly, I felt I could do more. So I did what I thought was best: I asked.

Below is the dialogue I had with several authors who regularly write LGBTQIA+ fiction, including E.L. Reedy & A.M. Wade (Writing partners and siblings! Can you say dynamic duo?), Kate Larkindale, M. Pepper Langlinais, and Melody Wiklund, author of Eleven Dancing Sisters.  I think you'll find their conversation to be thought-provoking and fun! 




Me: So first question will actually be a statement: Happy Pride! Tell me about yourself and your books, especially those containing LGBTQIA+ characters!

ER: Thank you! Our book, Upon Broken Wings, is about finding hope in even the darkest situations. Our greatest goal in the writing was to hopefully save lives. It follows two young teens who attempt suicide. One, Andrew, manages to take his life, the other, Kiernan, ends up wandering around in a ghost state as his body lies in a coma.

KL: Happy Pride! I'm Kate and I'm a writer living in New Zealand. My books almost all have some LGBTQIA characters, even if they are not the central focus of the story. My debut novel was An Unstill Life which is an F/F love story about a girl whose friends abandon her for boyfriends at the time in her life she needs their support most. She finds what she needs with the school 'freak'.

ALP: I write as M Pepper Langlinais, and my novel "The Fall and Rise of Peter Stoller" is a 1960s British spy story featuring a gay main character. The book is actually made up of three novellas, and the first novella is "St. Peter in Chains." That won a Blogger Book Fair award for LGBT back in 2013, and a screenplay adaptation I did won Table Read My Screenplay and was given a professional table read at Sundance Film Festival.

MW: Happy Pride! I have an f/f novella in Kissed which is about a lesbian and her bi best friend competing for the attention of a possibly queer new girl... and also maybe realizing that they're more interested in each other. I also have written a novella that's an f/f retelling of a somewhat obscure Russian fairy tale, and that will be coming out sometime this year...not yet sure when. It involves a princess, a peasant girl, and a mysterious talking fish.

Me: Okay, question two -- Why do you write books/stories with diverse characters?

AW: The world is not made up of identical clones. We all have fears and foibles and all must deal with hardships in our own ways. Having someone "normal", someone lame, someone mentally challenged, and someone very young allows us to see that fact. We all feel abandoned, betrayed, hurt, angry, loved, alive, and so on, and our story shows that despite all those differences, they all forgot the same thing--we are not alone. For each of us, there is at least one person who can and will stand by us and give aid and comfort, IF WE JUST ASK.

MW: To be honest, I didn't start writing f/f entirely on purpose. It began when I was writing a theoretically m/f novel...and then realized that my female main character was really crushing on a girl. [...]It's something I use to express my own sexuality (irl I'm debatably closeted) and it's also just something I enjoy doing--I often find writing relationships between women, whether romantic or platonic, more interesting than writing relationships between women and men.

KL: I want to write stories that reflect the world we live in and the world is made up of a vast array of people who are different to one another. I like writing f/f stories especially because there seem to be far fewer book exploring love between two women than between two men.

Me: Agreed! I'm loving these answers.

ALP: I do it because I think diverse characters are more interesting to write and to read. Also, every LGBT+ book I'd read seemed to be about that character struggling with his or her sexuality. I wanted to write LGBT+ characters who were already comfortable with that but maybe had to deal with others being uncomfortable. I feel like that's true to their experience too, as much as coming out is.

ER: Diversity is the spice of life. Despite what an alarmingly growing number of people who learned nothing from WWII might think. The differences between us are what gives the human race such staggering potential… If we don’t annihilate each other first. Also first rule of writing. Write what you know.

Me: That leads right into my next question -- I am straight and white, and in all my books, I've written queer and racially diverse characters. How do you feel about authors writing what they have not themselves experienced?

KL: If we all only write what we know, books wouldn’t be nearly as interesting to read. I think as long as you research where you need to, it’s fine to write outside your own experience. I mean, Stumped is about a teenage boy amputee and I’m not a boy or an amputee, but I did my research and I’ve been told I captured the experience and emotions really authentically.

AW: I hope, as writers and even readers, that we have been observant and listened to the world that exists around us. I am short, old, female with all my limbs. However, I live with a young male amputee and a young male on the autism spectrum. I do not know EXACTLY how they feel or how they would react in a given situation, but I have watched them grow, learn, and adapt to life's curveballs. I hope that shows when our characters say or do something in the story. A few readers have said they felt "real". That's the best compliment, I think.

ER: Writing what we have not ourselves experienced is the great thing about fiction. We get sail the wild seas, fly skies of distant worlds. As long as we as the authors make it believable--in other words, let the reader experience the worlds we create then writing what we don’t know can be a wonderful thing.

ALP: I certainly worry about getting things "wrong." However, writers rely heavily on their imaginations--whether writing fantasy or stories based on reality. Still, I don't want to offend anyone, and I try to listen to feedback from those quarters. (Luckily, it's been mostly positive.) If we weren't willing, as writers, to write things we hadn't experienced, we would have very little to say. [...] Still, I understand why some might be wary. LGBT+ people, people of color, differently abled people--they don't necessarily want us filtering their stories for them. They want to speak for themselves and be heard. That's something publishing is still trying to address by having more diverse authors, editors, agents. But I don't think that should stop US from writing the characters and situations that speak to our hearts. So long as we treat them with respect.

KL: Exactly. I totally believe people should write their own experiences and own voices are important, but I don’t think people should be afraid to write outside their own experiences either. As long as they do it in a knowledgeable and respectful way.

Me: Last question-- What do you think authors of privilege (any type, white, straight, abled, and otherwise) should be doing to a) prioritize the voices of marginalized folks and b) present "real" diverse stories in respectful ways?

AW: Well, doing in depth research is the beginning of any good writing. Putting oneself in the place of a character and realizing how differently things could be done or said, if the character was not like you, would give that perspective. Reading books and news stories describing how other abled persons were treated and using how that made you feel--angry, sad, frustrated, heart-broken--would also help shape that respectful creation of diverse characters. Just noticing people around you as you live, sadly, often shows how diverse characters are treated or expected to act. Living with my two special boys, I've seen examples of how NOT to treat people and how prejudice makes people expect them to act or be, and they don't see the real, live people behind the handicaps.

ALP : I agree that thorough research is key. I'm planning a YA contemporary update of "Twelfth Night" (just did one of "Hamlet"), and the MC will be transgendered. Luckily, I know a number of transgendered people so that I can run things by them. I think, too, it's important to show these characters as empowered, not to be all "oh, isn't it sad that he's in a wheelchair." Differently abled people don't want pity, just acknowledgement that they ARE part of this world. (That's not to say that there won't be moments where the wheelchair gets in the way or is frustrating for one reason or another. It just shouldn't be the defining factor of the handicap.)

ER: The first thing, is to throw out any preconceived notions about what is going on in someone else’s life, be they marginalized in any way or not. We, writers, get to make up quite a bit in fiction, but when it comes to making characters of any minority group, to be real, so-to-speak, we cannot fake it. We must either walk in their shoes, or at least take the time to get to know them, see how they live, learn their personal trials and tribulations. [...] I’ve met more people than I can count from so many cultures. The language barriers have been a massive challenge, but I’ve gotten to work with so many wonderful people—I’ve learned how just a few minutes a day chatting can open eyes and hearts to the differences between us. That should be our mission as writers when it comes to characters: learn about someone, understand them, and share that wisdom with our readers. If just one person can have an ah-ha moment and change their own preconceived notions—wouldn’t that make the worlds just a little bit better?

KL: Buy books by diverse writers, read articles and stories by diverse writers, talk to people who are not like yourself. Research. But always remember, the similarities between us are larger and more numerous than our differences. If you’re uncertain about how you’re representing someone, reach out to a person in that community and check that you’re not going to offend people. And adding to that, books about diverse people don’t have to be about the thing that makes them diverse. So many books With gay characters are about coming out and the issues surrounding that. I’d love to see more books where gay characters or characters with disabilities have their own stories and lives outside those things.

Me: Love these answers! Thank you so much for this interesting conversation! I feel blessed to work with such sweethearts.



So what's the first step? Buying these books, silly! Follow the Amazon pages linked at the beginning of the blog, and get reading.

Teacher Appreciation Day

Hello, all! 
I haven't written in quite some time (please don't check how long... it's embarrassing), but inspiration hit today. That's because it's a very important day: Teacher Appreciation Day! 
For those who don't know, when I'm not writing, I am teaching. And it is hard. Best case scenario, I get to be a parent, instructor, disciplinarian, shoulder to cry on, life coach, language expert, behavior manager, figurative firefighter, secretary, mandated reporter, and me all in one day. This time of year, I also have to be a test administrator, a cook, a Dr. Phil stand-in (middle school drama is REAL, my friends), and much more. Worst case scenario, I will take a bullet for your child, and I may not even be able to save their life.

But I go home smiling.

Every. Single. Day. 

Because even when it's not Teacher Appreciation Day, I know how important my job is. Even when they are driving me nuts by seeing how loud they can clear their throats until I start yelling, I go home happy. And that's for one reason, and one reason alone.

I love it. 

No, I love them.

They are worth it, every last one of them. They are worth every sleepless night I lose worrying about the girl with the eating disorder or the boy who is getting abused at home. They are worth the mountains of paperwork. They are worth the days I spend engineering lesson plans that please the state, my boss, my students, their parents, and me. They are strong and sensitive and immature and intelligent and complicated and annoying and wonderful. They are, right now, my whole life.

And, yes, I have days where I cry my way home from work because I'm frustrated or feel helpless, but there are also days like this:

Some kids dressed as the Romanovs
for a living museum assignment
 (Rasputin included!)

The real Romanov family... spot on, right? 

After converting Edgar Allan Poe short stories to
scripts, here are my kids in costume getting ready to perform their plays on stage. 

The anthology in which about a dozen of my kids are published.

So despite the fact that it is Teacher Appreciation Day, this one is for you, kiddos. You are endlessly cherished, and we believe in you every day you walk into our classrooms and beyond. Go into the world, and do great things.

Love,

Your teachers.

Obligatory New Year's Resolution Post

I'll be honest: I've never done this. I mean, yeah, I have made New Year's resolutions before, and I actually (usually) keep them. But I've never announced my resolution to the masses, mostly because I'm not vain enough to believe that anyone actually gives a single crap. But -- at the risk of sounding completely stereotypical -- 2018 feels different.  

I have a few personal resolutions that, like usual, I'm going to keep to myself. However, this year I am going to make a public resolution, one that pertains specifically to my writing. 

In 2018 and beyond, I am going to stop looking backwards.

This seems obvious, I know, but give me a chance to explain. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at old writing and lamenting my word choice, typos, or sentence structure. This chapter would have had much more impact if I had only done this. This novel could be elevated if I had spent more time on it and done this. It's exhausting. And I used to think that it was a necessary step to getting better at your craft. Now I think otherwise. 

Yes-- you should always look to past missteps to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. But what you shouldn't do is fixate, obsess, and - worst of all - feel shame about something you've created. We all cringe at some of the early things we made, but those products are still valuable. They represent the you that existed before. And now you've grown. That's okay. That shouldn't be a source of embarrassment; growth is miraculous! As artists of any type, we should be celebrating these perceived failures as what they really are: prototypes or drafts or practice rounds that inevitably lead to a bigger, better, and more satisfying creation.

 "Do your best until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." -Maya Angelou. My mom is forever quoting this to me, and today, this really rings true. No one expects a creator to be perfect. We expect creators to grow and change and above all, to keep creating. If you can do that, well, you can do anything. 

Long story short, since I decided to stop looking backwards, I outlined a new novel, wrote three drafts of the first chapter, and one draft of chapter two. 

It doesn't feel perfect, but it feels good.
And that's enough. 

Thankful for Reviewers

With Thanksgiving disappearing along with November, I thought it would be fitting to quickly write about something I'm thankful for: reviewers. I know we authors harp on this all the time, but seriously! Leaving a review is one of the best ways you can say thank you to an author whom you admire. Reviews help the book gain visibility to bestseller lists, promo opportunities, and other readers. The more reviews, the more credibility the book has. Not a perfect system, sure, but it's the one we have.

So if you've reviewed any of my books, thank you!

 
via GIPHY

The Separation just reached its 25th review on Amazon, which -- although small -- is a milestone to celebrate. You help to encourage other readers to pick up the book, and for that, I can't thank you enough! And if, perhaps, you wrote a negative review like this one, I STILL  thank you. Because that review convinced a bunch of people to read my book if only to see if it was really so bad as this woman described. I'd be lying if I said that didn't bring me just the smallest morsel of joy.


via GIPHY

Have you read something of mine recently? Like it? Despise it? Either way, leave a review! It only takes a few minutes, and it gives me meaningful feedback. Go on Amazon, Evernight Publishing, Barnes and Noble, Goodreads-- heck, write a blog about it. Tell your neighbors. Write a bill board! Okay, maybe don't do that last one. But you get my point, right?

Love an author? Leave a review. And for those who already do, we salute you. 

How to Support an Author -- Without Even Buying a Book

Okay, so let's be real. We want you to read our books. I have one coming out this month, even. It would be pretty great if somebody read it. But I get it -- books require some disposable income that we don't always have. So if you can't spend on book-buying but you still want to support authors, here are some pointers.

1. Support them on social media
At the risk of sounding like everyone else, social media and marketing are nearly synonymous these days. That being said, following an author on all forms of social media that you have can be not only helpful to the writer, but also really fun for you. You get to keep up with new developments, see giveaways before other people, and sneak a peek into a writer's life. And don't forget, sharing is caring! 

This includes crowdfunding-esque sources like Thunderclap, Daycause, and more. For example, with a new release coming up, I have a Thunderclap that needs 100 supporters; in other words, 100 people need to support the cause by allowing the program to automatically share a message from their chosen social media. Things like this aren't always common knowledge to readers, but most authors know them intimately. Help us out, free of charge! 

2. Leave a review
Let's say you've already read the book. It costs nothing at all for you to take five minutes and leave an honest review. Many people use reviews to help them decide to buy a book. Not to mention, sites like BookBub and others use reviews as an indicator of a book's worth. Right or wrong, we need reviews to survive.

3. Spread the word
Far and away, the best method of marketing is word of mouth. So if you want to support an author, recommend them to your friends. Talk them up to librarians and independent bookstores who may want to order something new. Suggest their books to anyone who asks for something new. 



See? Easy! And not a penny spent. 

One more thing...I know not everyone loves eBooks, but consider this: an eBook copy of one of my books is under five dollars. Less than a trip to the gas station. Less than a movie ticket. And you get to read it for hours and keep it forever. 

Just think about it. Your independent and local authors are worth it. 

Literary Ladies: Why I Don't Want an All-Female Lord of the Flies

Okay, so this post is a bit of a rant. It's just that as a woman, as a reader, and as a writer, I have a vested interest in female characters, and I can't keep my mouth shut about it anymore. With all these new female-driven remakes (think Ghostbusters, Lord of the Flies, and other projected projects), I thought it was time to discuss. 

First off, I don't want a remake of old male-driven stories. All that tends to do is create flat characters who aren't authentic because woman was injected into the story to appease the masses. That only adds to the problematic archetypes we're already fighting including...

1. The Super Sexy Lady
I actually became shockingly enraged recently having invest a lot of time into trying to read the book The Magicians. I disliked the book for a variety of reasons, but chief among them was this: every woman was exactly the same, and every woman was nothing more than a voluptuous sexy-pants that didn't really have much more depth than that. Take, for instance, this quote:

"The woman was disarmingly, almost inappropriately pretty--"

And then later: 

"She was pale and thin and unreasonably lovely, with a broad, ridiculously sexy mouth."

But when describing men, we get something like this:

"His stomach was a sizable hump, his hair a crazy gray Einstein half-noggin."

While I don't think any of these descriptions are stellar, I have a clear image of the man. I know what he looks like. The females, on the other hand, are vague images that float away because they are as insubstantial as characters as their descriptions would have you believe.

2. The Fallen Woman
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP WITH THIS. Everyone from Flaubert to Judd Apatow is guilty of this little trope. You create this character who is unattainable, vaguely cold with some sort of mental hang up, and somehow irresistible. In the end, there are two options. A, the woman self-destructs like in Madame Bovary and Anna Karenina. Or B -- the option I refer to as the John Green option -- the woman is lusted after by some self-proclaimed pathetic nice-guy loser, and she hurts him (think Love, the Netflix show, Looking for Alaska... the list goes on). Both are predictable. 

3. The Sweetheart
Everybody loves a sweetie, including me! But when that sweet woman has absolutely no personality, it's mind-numbingly boring. And no, I'm not saying that every character must be strong, self-assured and confident. I think a self-conscious female character can be very dynamic. But a lack of personality (cough cough BELLA SWAN cough cough), is something different altogether.



Look, I could go on, but I won't. My point is this: We don't need female-driven remakes like Ghostbusters and Lord of the Flies. We need original, dynamic, complicated female characters that are telling their own stories. We need characters who -- likable or not -- are reflections of real human women. That's what we want. Nothing more.

 

Confessions of an Awkward Author

So it's come to my attention that we writers tend to have a lot of secrets. I thought that it would be fitting - given I just made my magazine debut in First For Women this month - to confess a few of my own secrets.
I'm mostly a glutton for punishment, but there is a small part of me that hopes you'll be brave and confess your own secrets in the comment section!

1. I struggle with biting off more than I can chew.
--In writing and in life. And it's not that I can't handle all the things I throw myself into (at 110%, top speed, I might add), it's more that I can't handle it when I don't do everything absolutely perfectly. Failure at something I'm new to is a learning experience. Failing at something I thought I was good at usually throws me into a tailspin. 

2. I don't know how to balance humility and promotion.
Probably any business owner/person with their own brand has this problem. I'm not sure how to take credit for the hard work I've put in when I accomplish
 something. I'm not sure how to remain humble and still promote my work. I constantly worry that I'm erring too much on one side or the other.

3. I still fear rejection, every single time.
Even with Evernight -- who has graciously accepted and published everything I sent their way -- I am terrified that my work won't be accepted. And I get rejected all the time. The suspense created waiting for an answer is actually worse than the rejection letters that I get on the regular.

4. I am still learning.
I'm in a writer's group. I'm going to grad school. I will always be learning, no matter how many things I publish. There will always be someone who knows more than me, and that's actually really comforting to me. It means I never have to stop growing.

5. I sacrifice socializing for writing, but not just because I need to meet deadlines.
I also do it because I truly love to write. I also enjoy being by myself. Maybe that doesn't gel with everyone, but I need my me-time. I think everyone should learn how to be comfortable alone before adding anyone else to the equation.


And that's not even all my neuroses! But I felt it was time to air them out, so hear they are. Have your own confessions? Let them out! I'd love to hear them, and the truth will set you free.

Character Coffeehouse - Phoenix

It's that time again... Character Coffeehouse! As a reminder, the rules are simple:
1. Pick a character of your own creation or otherwise
2. Place them in the setting of a coffeehouse
3. Write! But no more than 500 words.

This particular CC for me is eye-opening. Someone who I have struggled empathizing with is becoming a little more human...

“Coffee. Black.”

Phoenix Handler didn’t overuse words. The barista was likely not smart enough to benefit from the extra effort anyway. In any case, language was important to her. The right words could soothe, inspire, or placate. The wrong ones could incite a riot.

It was one of the first lessons her Elder taught her as Matriarch of Genesis. Women saw her as cold, Phoenix knew, but that wasn’t true. Priscilla Handler - leader of the city - simply didn’t have time to make friends. And Phoenix agreed.

“Here.” The barista offered the cup of coffee meekly, refusing to meet Phoenix’s green eyes. She took it briskly, tossing black hair over one shoulder.

Head up. She straightened her back, looking steadily ahead as she located a table. Another lesson she’d learned. When you look like you know what you’re doing, like you’re on a mission of the utmost importance, people will believe you are important. It’s about more than just oozing confidence; you don’t simply expect respect, you demand it.

It certainly had worked so far. From the time she was twelve years old, Phoenix Handler was top of her class, admired by all and feared by nearly as many. She was first pick in her Partnering Ceremony, the highest honor a Youth could be given in Genesis. Some might celebrate that fact, but Phoenix was quite different. Her accomplishments were momentary happinesses before they became motivation to do better, be better.

She was aware that at this point, she wasn’t even competing with the other girls; she was competing with herself.

“A competition that you will never win,” Priscilla had pointed out to her once. It was a rare moment of affection, one that Phoenix quickly dismissed.

“One I’ll never lose, either.”

The memory tugged gently at Phoenix’s heart, and for just a moment, she let herself close her eyes and remember what it felt like to have an Elder. Before anyone could see, though, the black haired beauty of Genesis was leaving the little coffeeshop, green eyes as guarded as ever.

Character Coffeehouse - Luna

Welcome to the Character Coffeehouse! This is a little activity that I do when I need to dig a little deeper into one of my characters. I decided to begin sharing them with you on a semi-regular basis, and I want to invite you to do the same! Pick a character - of your own creation or otherwise - and drop them into the Coffeehouse. What do they order? Who do they see?
Comment your creation below or on my Facebook page, linked here.

As she breezed through the door of the shop, Luna Lephilia didn't even need to think about her order. Latte, double shot, large. It was meant to keep her awake through yet another shift at the Medical Center, so it needed to be strong, but when no one was looking, she knew she'd dump far too much sugar in. By now, it had become routine. 

When she reached the counter, the barista knew her by name, probably due to the fact that Luna had spent the majority of her pay here. Without Carolyn around to care for, there were very few uses for her money these days. 

It wasn't until after she paid for her steaming cup of coffee that Luna realized she had forgotten to eat again. The little voice in her head scolding her for doing this yet again sounded like Eroyn, the way her conscience always did. She guessed it was that way for everyone. You heard the person in your head who you cared for the most. Or maybe the one who cared most for you. 

In her case, it was both. 

She didn't have time to sit and sip the latte the way most people in the cafe were. She wished she could perch in front of the tall windows of the shop and just breathe for a second or two before returning to her hectic life, but that wasn't to be. She wouldn't have been able to stand it, anyway. 

If one thing could be said for a person like Luna, it was that life without stress was no life at all. From a young age she'd learned to equate being busy to being happy, and that stuck. She didn't actually know what she'd do with free time; the idea baffled her. 

So she did what she always did. She shouldered her way through the heavy door, careful not to spill a precious drop of her beverage, and she went to work.

The Problematic YA Fiction Relationship

Ahh, young love. The only thing better is fictional young love. I still remember reading about strapping young men with square jaws, mysterious dark sides, and the ability to say just the right thing.

Chances are, if you were an avid reader growing up, you also fantasized multiple times about fictional hotties. And I held those literary loves very close to my heart until very recently when I started to reread some books I used to love.

Instead of falling in love with my past book boyfriends all over again, I discovered 5 types of crappy relationships that we are normalizing in YA lit.

The I-Don't-Deserve-You Relationship
You're just too good for me; I am but a lowly peasant in comparison to your brilliance... Blah blahblah blahblah. Having been a teenager who believed that I was never good enough for the people I was interested in, this absolutely infuriates me.
Why do we glamorize self-doubt? When it is already so hard to love yourself, why do we make it seem attractive to believe yourself inferior?
Exhibit A: Twilight. Bella and Edward's entire relationship was continually in distress because each party truly believed that each didn't deserve the other. This is not love, people. This is infatuation paired with possible mental illness.

The He-Just-Gets-Mad-Sometimes Relationship
I could rant about 50 Shades of Grey here, but nobody wants to see me get that heated so I'll leave it at this: red flags that in real life would hint at a potential abusive relationship are not sexy. It is not attractive to watch your partner lose control of their temper on a regular basis. In reality, it's fear-inducing, not exhilarating. Passion is sexy. Even anger can be an intriguing character trait. Unbridled violence is not.

The Love Triangle.
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS LITERARY, PLEASE STOP.
I get it: people love watching the brave couple navigate the challenges of love. And the forbidden is just that much more thrilling. I love drama in books! But this trope is worn out. Please, please, stop, authors. Challenge your characters. Put them through hell. Make them appreciate their partner. But maybe do it in a different way for once?

The I-Will-Die-Without-You Relationship.
So, yes, we've all been there. There's that one person who took over your world, who - with one look - could knock the breath out of you. Maybe you're still with them. Maybe you're not. That power in a relationship is absolutely intoxicating, and that's the kind of love I want to read about.
But.
When the protagonist suddenly becomes a parasite who is completely dependent on their lover, I lose interest.
NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON.
Even without the person you love most in the big, wide world, you are still a whole person. You are enough on your own.
Self love is sexier than any obsessive relationship I've ever read. And that's what I want to get from books. Do I enjoy watching characters fall in love? Absolutely. But I want them fall in love with themselves, first and foremost.

 The She's-Just-Complicated Relationship.
I'm looking at you, John Green.
Let's be clear: I love reading characters who make me angry, characters who are an absolute train-wreck. But I don't love when characters fall in love with other characters simply because they are "complicated" and they waste time and effort trying to "fix" or change them.
It's even worse when it actually works and every problematic behavior magically disappears from the power of LOVE.
I have never once seen this actually work on a real relationship.



Long story short... I'm not looking to read picture-perfect relationships in YA lit. That would be mind-numbingly boring. But when I do read problematic relationships, it would be nice if they were portrayed as unhealthy instead of being normalized.
I'm no expert, but I certainly know what I don't want to be in any of the relationships above.

So here's where you come in. What did I miss? Comment any problematic relationships that you've noticed reading!

Until next time...